Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
