My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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