I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
