it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
