Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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