coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
