Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
