just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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