I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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