No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
