Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
