oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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