i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
