threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
