so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
