he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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