I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to make a zoo with you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
