Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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