Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
