Already got asked if we're dating
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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