How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
