Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
