Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
