Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
