Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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