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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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