Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
