Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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