I think I died a long time ago.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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