I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
