What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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