Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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