How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
