Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
