in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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