All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
