my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
