the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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