I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
