i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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