First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
