someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
