Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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