If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
