i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
