This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
