I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The air taste purple.
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