It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
