I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
