Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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