Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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