You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Randomize