worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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