Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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