she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
