Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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