let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
