I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
