I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
