I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
