I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
