Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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