We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
