I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
