if you like me you must not know who I am
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize