fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The best revenge is premature balding
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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