Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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