highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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