I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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