i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
