Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found a bag of teeth...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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