one might say we're banned from that church
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
