We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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