somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
